February 17, 2023
A few years back I met a man who had given up on life. Things had not gone well for him. His marriage failed and everything he ever believed in had fallen apart. He thought he had it all, then things took a turn for the unfortunate. He ended up losing everything including his house, his wife, and his job. He spent most of his days wondering what went wrong. His spirit was broken. He said all he wanted to do was kick off his shoes and stand in the cool grass on a warm day. A memory when he used to do this in his youth. It seemed to be a thing of his past that he could never revisit.
Thinking about him makes me think about all the successes and losses I have had in my life, too. There have been many of both throughout the years. Why is it though that the losses can feel like they outweigh the wins? What makes the losses seem larger than life? Especially when there are so many wins along the way.
If we define ourselves only by our losses, well that is it. It becomes all about the loss. Sometimes the big picture isn’t even what’s important at all. You can’t forget all the little wins along the way. They can so easily be forgotten. Even amongst the worst times there can be brighter sides that aren’t clear until later on.
When I was much younger, I took a job as a produce broker and filled trucks with apples and pears. I was handed a few contacts and a blank piece of paper. My goal was to fill the truck with 20 pallets of apples and pears out of Washington State. I had to get customers to commit to buying so many pallets. I secured pricing with the apple and pear orchids in order to get my sell prices. Next, I had to schedule the truck to pick up the product in Washington state and drive across country to deliver all the products to the end user. Seemed easy enough.
I started with the customer and once I had one person commit, to even only 4 pallets, it was on! After that I told the next customer that I had 16 available spaces and here’s the prices. Then I asked the question, how many pallets could you commit to? They would commit to 4 or 8 more and I would keep calling until the truck was full with all 20 pallets committed.
After that I had to find the truck to take the load. There were all kinds of independent truckers available at this time. Back in this time most were men. While I made these calls my boss ,who sat directly across from me in a cubicle, would stare at me. As soon as I would hang up the phone, he would say “you can’t be that nice.” Then I would say “well I got the truck!” And he would be quiet. Then, he would proceed to tell me I needed to order them around, like I was mean and above them somehow. “No sir, I don’t have to be mean, that’s not my style” I would tell him. He was training a young man next to me to do the same and he was following suit. I listened to him on the phone being completely ugly to these truckers. He wasn’t making much progress either. Meanwhile, I was filling trucks with no problem.
I wasn’t being defiant to my boss, just honest. I felt strongly that I was getting quick results all while being an honest person. Respecting their role as I had hoped they did mine. My boss couldn’t stand it. My intentions were never to prove him wrong, although perhaps I did. I kept filling and filling trucks. As time went on, customers would call me to see if I had a truck. Truckers would call to see if I needed a truck. Then customers would call me to see what the market prices were. I was having a blast. And I was shipping a lot of apples.
A few months later it was announced that the company was moving the department out of state. I no longer had a job. It seemed my boss truly enjoyed letting me go that day. I could have easily been consumed by a job loss or rejection. But instead, I moved forward with my head held high and my morals in my pocket. I was successful, without being dishonest or ugly to people. I also was the only person in the office who drank coffee. I should have known something was odd for that reason alone!
After that, I never looked back. I never let the loss consume me. In the big picture, I had lost my job. However, all the little wins along the way outshined the big picture. What do they say, I won the battle but lost the war? Something like that. In the end I learned a valuable lesson. I learned to stay true to myself no matter what others tell me. Not everyone you cross paths with is right, or doing it for all the right reasons.
Sometimes in life it’s hard to overlook the big picture. I wonder often how that sad man I met is doing. He felt like life was over and he had nothing to look forward to. I am hoping that he has found some hope in his life. What I hope for most is that he is standing in the grass with his shoes off, feeling the cool grass under his bare feet on a hot day. He also thought he could see angels. Maybe he couldn’t, or maybe he did. You never know.
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