Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost
J.R.R. Tolkien
My story requires a little background and insight…
Back in the summer of 2016, we went to a beautiful resort hotel by Hyatt in Orlando, FL. I had just accepted a job in my career as a foodservice sales rep with another company, after much hesitation. A few of my business cohorts I discussed the opportunity with reassured me it was the right thing to do. My company, who I was totally dedicated to, were making big changes and the future did not look secure. I had not put my notice in yet but had accepted the job. I had a week’s vacation I had won in a contest and decided to take that week before I submitted my letter of resignation. Michael also had set up his company and was ready to pull the trigger at his job of 18 years and start his own company. We were both anxious and excited about our transitions. We also had been working long hours and were so exhausted. We needed a break bad and Universal Studios and Orlando were calling.
The resort was absolutely beautiful. The landscape was full all around the property with tropical plants and sidewalk paths throughout. There was a grotto pool with a cave you could swim through. Inside were little parts you could swim up and get out and sit in a shaded lounge chair. They had a ping pong table as well. We played and Michael realized I was not one to contest with! I grew up with a table in my basement and had spent many a night playing with my brother. On the other side was a lake you could ride those big ole plastic floating bikes that were high above the water, but didn’t seem to go very fast. You also could rent a kayak and go into the resorts landscape areas into small streams they had built throughout.
The first night after a nice meal for dinner we walked to the other side of the property and up these stairs was a large patio area and at the top was a huge tree over-hanging the area. On each low branch were lighted lanterns in every direction. It was truly magical. We stood under the tree and pointed to each lantern as if each light represented a different dream for the future. We called it our “Tree of Dreams.” It would have been the perfect night for someone playing some music and dancing under the lights.
I took a picture of the tree and framed it. It has been a reference to the fact that we are both working hard to fulfill our dreams. One light was our dream home. Little did I know then that we would spend almost two years building it with our own two hands. Our dream home would come to fruition. But, not without hard work, intense planning, dedication, frustration, and a lot of muscle work! Our Forever Country Home would become a reality.
In the fall of 2019 Michael and I were talking about redoing his house. I had experienced a really hard summer that year. I had struggled with my own personal identity and purpose in life. While we were talking, I actually told him that day I had no dreams. I do not know why or how I had gotten to that point where I felt like there was nothing in my future to look forward to, to dream about or work towards. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I said “wow, that is sad.” He agreed and stated “that is sad.” He explained how he has many, many dreams. What a depressing outlook on life I had! How had a let myself get to the point of not believing? Somehow I had found myself in a place where I was dwelling on all of the losses in my life. Not deaths of ones I loved but relationships that had come and gone for instance. Career jobs that once had been the best that no longer were. Places I hadn’t been instead of places I had been. I had started coming down on myself for my losses. I wasn’t celebrating the things I had gained like the people who were there for me every day or the opportunities I was presented. I needed a new perspective.
I decided that I wanted to be a part of this project and dive right into it. For years it simply had not been an option. I was headstrong about staying where I was and in the house I had bought. Little did I know then how much I would gain from this experience. Little did I know it would open up an array of ideas and dreams that were inside of me. I was blinded to my situation. I was unhappy and it showed in my attitude and how I presented myself. In starting this project, my creative and decorating skills I had would be tapped again. I would gain confidence in myself. I would learn to test my own personal limits…and then some! I would learn to go forward with what I set my mind to, rather than what others told me to do. I never knew I could be so proud of myself. I didn’t realize I was able to quit counting on others in my life to reassure me of my own capabilities. I also realized that I had always counted on others to help me make daily decisions in my life, unnecessarily.
I began being in charge of my parts of the project which involved the design of our new kitchen, the cabinet styles, paint colors and layout. Also, choosing all of the new décor, lighting and colors in the new home. I was in it to win it! With the long, hard working hours came days or nights of researching, shopping and drafting on paper. Then purchasing these items after much research, watching and comparing prices.
Visually seeing the end result beyond the dust and dirt of the construction.
I had found my dream. I found myself planning my Forever Country Home from the color of the walls, the style of the cabinets, style of flooring, to the window treatments in the new windows and everything inside. Michael and I found deals for instance on accent woods for the bar and counter. We shopped local salvage home shops and found odds and ends in construction supplies and even found our farmhouse sink at one. I studied new designs on Houzz.com when we started drawing out our kitchen design and applying them to what our situation offered. The layout of the room and placement of the door and windows all became factors in figuring what we could fit, what we wanted, and what we wanted to afford.
With the home came a lifestyle. The walls began coming to life. The evenings on the porch in the summer drinking lemonade (or wine either one) was becoming something real. The chickens in the yard, the fresh vegetables out of the garden. The stone path to the garden and the flowers along the way. Listening to old records. Everything was a blank slate in which to fill up. Michael was onboard. He was so busy everyday doing the roof or walls that he trusted in me to find these things. I picked our paint and as he finished the new trim I painted the rest of the entire house. Not just one coat. Layers of primer and two coats of paint. Perfectly brushed on. Some days we barely talked and focused on the job at hand. I found that if I didn’t look at the overall project and focused only on what my plan was that minute I could breeze through it. When we took breaks we admired the finished work. We worked together day and night to pick and choose every little detail. Walking around deciding where to put the outlet or how this piece of trim should be cut was a common occurrence. There became endless amounts of decisions and we figured each and every one of them out together.
Not every day was easy. Some days you really wanted to throw the towel in! In fact, we started working many a time and both couldn’t get into it and closed up shop or took a ride on the bike. With Covid on the rise at this point, it gave us a place to get away from people and keep ourselves busy. We had been in this a good year or more when Covid hit so we just kept rolling through between the company and the house project. I was grateful to have the project to work on. Watching the news every day was exhausting. I would rather be dirty and physically exhausted at the end of my day.
Painting turns out to be really hard work. That must be why every single person who I told I was painting said they hated to paint. I got muscles in my forearms and back of my legs I had never had in my life. The benefits started to show. Before I dove into this whole project I had been working from home, was not very active, and gaining weight. I did not feel good overall and was not very healthy. It never dawned on me as I was working every day that I would not only get stronger physically but more importantly stronger mentally. I struggled so hard in the beginning. I never complained but climbing a ladder, carrying heavy things, squatting etc. were all a challenge for me. I had to take breaks all the time. These breaks later were fewer and farther in-between. I began to look forward to the feeling I had by the end of our dirty day. I slept well and the weight came off. I am pretty sure now that I actually signed up for some kind of therapy! I would never have imagined that in the beginning. It really felt like a pain in the ass to do all of this work ourselves.
Two years later we are in the house and I walk around and have so many memories already of things we did. I have a newfound feeling of being proud because we touched every square inch ourselves. I can see where there may have been a mistake and we fixed it and it isn’t there anymore. Michael’s dreams of turning this property into all of the things he had always imagined was coming to life. I had been laying the ground work for our Forever Country Home with each and every decision along the way. We worked as hard as we could side-by-side. The fact that I had fought the idea of redoing this house several years before just showed me how closed minded I was then.
If you don’t reach out on life and try you really never know how much life can give back to you.”
(Those are Michael’s Words, Gosh, I hate when he’s right!)
We worked around the clock running his company and the house project. Nobody understood. People wanted to tell us we shouldn’t do this or that. You never realize how much others can be a downer when you become a do-er. We stuck to our plans as we watched them come to life every day along the way. It became OK when the grass wasn’t mowed promptly. All of the pressures of living the life of the Joneses began to be a thing of the past. We had a strong wall up of a build project no one could argue with or really understood. Lack of understanding brings confusion. We had a dream together and were determined to make it happen despite the many, many…did I mention many obstacles along the way. It was our dream and our vision only but together we were determined to bring it all to life!
One thing you have to realize is your dream is never anyone else’s dream. You have to work within your means. You have to work with your own particular property, landscape, budget, and home and this determines how you can do certain things. Ideas come that are unattainable, although good ideas. In the process you do the best with what you can afford and physically accomplish. You are running your own life and it all is your choice. I actually had people try to talk me out of making this move. Boy am I glad I didn’t listen!
Surely there is a way! I have a huge desire to be a full-on homesteader. Living in the country on five acres gives us that option. What better place to make and sell everything! We have built everything for this house so far. We can grow garden veggies and set up at the local farmers market or get goats and make soap and goat cheese. It seems the options are limitless. I began going on Pinterest and reading blogs of other people’s journeys. Wow, there are some cool lifestyles out there and they are working. Or, so they appear to be. There are also many warning posts of what not to do, what you should consider before, and so on and so forth. It is pretty intimidating and most of these projects take years to bring to life.
How do I pick what would actually work? Here again comes the fear of the unknown. What if I fail? What happens if I spend a year or two years putting my everything into one thing and it doesn’t pay off at all? What if I didn’t fail and it works? The questions are endless; but the options are as well. If there is a means there is a way. If there is a will there is a way. If these other people can make it happen, why can’t we? We are more determined than anyone I know. Now, if that is the case then it is just a matter of having faith. Faith in God, faith in life, faith in yourself and faith in each other. We have proved that we can do anything we set our mind to. The company, the house project and more.
As I finish painting the last and final rooms in the entire house it gives me something to ponder on. Our street isn’t perfect. The town is limited, but our dreams are not. We can start with one thing, no doubt! Besides, after the majority of this life consuming house project is over there has to be a next step because we can’t stop now…